


do right but not right now

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Chromatic Yuletide, F/M, bisexual jonah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-10 20:22:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: "So," Amy said. "Jeff just told me that suddenly management can't date subordinates. So I told him we were dating."





	do right but not right now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [i_am_girlfriday](https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_girlfriday/gifts).



> Title from from Gillian Welch and David Rawlings's Look At Miss Ohio. not mine, no profit garnered.

Jeff said, "So, basically, with everything happening, Cloud 9 has updated its policy and management can no longer date subordinates."

"Fine, I already dumped Garrett weeks ago," Dina said.

"No," Amy said. She was suddenly panicking a little. "No, that's no good."

"What do you care?" Dina was glaring at her.

Amy just knew it was a really bad thing. She said, "What if, okay, what if you're already in a relationship? You weren't going to make Garrett and Dina break up, right?"

Jeff said, "If you were as of last week, then sure, those are grandfathered in. Are you?"

Amy said, "Yes. Yes, I am. Jonah and I have been dating for, for a few weeks."

"You have?" Jeff and Dina looked skeptical.

"Yes," Amy said. "But we weren't ready to file, but now we will. So give me the forms and we'll fill them out."

She ran, and then walked briskly to find Jonah. She dragged him into the employee break room. "So," Amy said. "Jeff just told me that suddenly management can't date subordinates. So I told him we were dating."

Jonah looked at her and blinked a lot.

"I just panicked. I know I want to date you, you know, someday. And I don't want to lie when it happens, eventually. So I just lied now. I said we'd been dating a few weeks. So now we're allowed to date because we're already dating," Amy said. She shoved the form at Jonah.

"But we're not dating," Jonah said. "But you were thinking we would eventually and didn't want that closed off."

"Didn't you think we would?"

"I wouldn't be that presumptuous," Jonah said. "You make your own choices. And choices for me, I guess."

"Do you not want to date me?"

Jonah said, "Um. Sure. Yes. I thought you weren't ready."

"Sure? Sure, you'd like to date me? I'm sorry, do I need to beat you up to turn you on now?" Amy started filling out her form. She checked the romantic box.

"No, yes, absolutely, I want to date you. But you have to admit this is a little weird," Jonah said.

"I know," Amy said. "Fill out your form. We've been dating for three weeks."

"No," Jonah said. "Not, no, that's not the truth. But remember three weeks ago? When Garrett told everyone the story about the woman I brought home and had consensual sex with that was apparently way too loud for him? So we have to say two weeks."

"Okay, okay," Amy said. She wrote down the two weeks date. She put her pen on Jonah's form. "Fill it out."

Jonah was back to blinking too much again. "Are you sure about this? You want to date me?"

"Yes," Amy said. She took a deep breath. "I really do. That's why I panicked. I don't want to not be able to date you, so we'll date now, okay?"

"Or, we just fill out these forms," Jonah said. "And we can wait to date."

"That's just silly," Amy said.

"You haven't been dating at all since the divorce," Jonah said. "I don't want you to miss out."

"There's a guy out there for me? But it's not you," Amy said.

"I hope it's me? But I don't want you to feel forced into it, like you did with Adam," Jonah said.

"This is so not like that," Amy said. "We're dating, we're not committed for life. Like you and Kelly broke up, we can do that. This way we actually can date. So fill out your form."

"I still think it's nuts," Jonah said. "But sure."

She took the forms to Jeff. "Sorry, it's late, we really just started dating two weeks ago."

"Okay, then," he said. "That's nice."

Amy was running on adrenaline because she didn't want to lose out on something she thought would be hers in the future. So now she was dating him. It would be fine. It would be great, she thought. She needed to make sure everyone knew so she told Cheyenne. Cheyenne said, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you can't keep a secret," Amy said.

"That's really true," Cheyenne said. "I'm happy for you, though. I think Jonah's rich."

"Really? I know he has more money than me."

"Well, he offered to pay for all Adam's two thousand dollars of grill stuff at color wars, Garrett told me. He just took out his credit card. And our health plan is horrible but he goes to a chiropractor and the dentist and I think he went to podiatrist. I don't even know what that is, but I assume it's expensive. And Justine saw him getting prescriptions from that guy who's not Tate, so he might possibly have an expensive medical condition. Or he's mentally ill, which seems more likely," Cheyenne said.

"That's certainly some evidence," Amy said. "I'll have to ask him about it."

Of course, next she ran into Dina. "So you're really banging Jonah?"

"I am, we're dating, but we haven't, no banging yet," Amy said. 

"I can see that," Dina said. "Have you even had sex with anyone besides Adam?"

"Yes," Amy said. "Like, three other people. Soon to be four."

"He's probably mostly over me, it should be fine. If he takes a while to warm up, apparently he likes being on the bottom. You seem like a girl who likes to be on top. Maybe a few slaps," Dina said. 

"Oh, good, thanks for the advice," Amy said, fleeing. 

"I think it's so great you and Jonah are dating," Glenn said. "I guess you weren't lying after all, when you said you had a crush on Jonah, huh?"

"I was lying then, Glenn," Amy said.

"But you felt it in your heart, under everything," Glenn said. 

"I don't think so," Amy said. "I wasn't having an affair or an emotional affair."

"Oh, you definitely were," Glenn said, smugly. "You were totally having an emotional affair."

"No, and please stop saying that," Amy said. 

When it was time to go home, she grabbed Jonah's hand and walked with him to his car. "Drive me home?"

"In my car? Where's your car?"

"I actually Uber'd to work today," Amy said. "I let Adam borrow the car. We used to share the car all the time, but the one he bought broke down and he needed it to take Emma to school and go to his new job. He'll bring it back in the morning."

"Okay, I can drive you," Jonah said. "Um, I told Garrett the truth."

"Why?"

"Well, a, he can keep a secret, b, he's my roommate and he knew I was lying, and c, he's my friend," Jonah said. 

"That's a good point," Amy said. "Let's go to your place, actually."

"Why?"

"Well, we're dating now, and I want to take advantage of that," Amy said. 

"Because getting to sleep at my place is a real catch," Jonah said. "Or I'm a real catch, I don't know."

"Cheyenne thinks you're rich."

Jonah was a careful driver. She'd let him drive Emma anywhere. Jonah said, "I'm not rich. I mean, I was raised, like, upper middle class. But I don't know, I'm not rich."

"How do you define rich? To me, it's like a hundred thousand dollars. If you have a hundred thousand dollars, you're definitely rich," Amy said. 

"Oh," Jonah said. "Okay, then I'm rich. But not really. I don't have access to it." Jonah said. "This is all pretty boring."

"So what, do your parents just send you money every month? How much do you get?"

"Uh, about $1100," Jonah said. 

"You only make $900 a month in take home pay, so your parents just double that?" Amy kept thinking. She said, "What about your car?"

"My dad bought it for me when I started business school," Jonah said.

"And you have a credit card," Amy said.

"Yeah, my mom pays that. But only the things she approves of. So, like, gas, car insurance, doctors. Everything else I pay."

"What do you actually pay for?"

"Food, rent, phone, internet, clothes, you know," Jonah said. "But I'm not rich."

"But you are," Amy said. "You don't really have no options. You have a cushion to fall back on. A pretty big one." 

"I guess," Jonah said. "I barely have two thousand a month, I don't have any savings." He parked on the street. 

"Okay, sorry, I was just curious, we can avoid all this money talk. For now. But you're paying whenever we go out, because I do not have supplemental income from my family," Amy said.

"That's fine," Jonah said. 

Garrett and Jonah had a nice apartment. It looked mostly like Garrett, but in the kitchen she could see definite signs of Jonah. That was clearly a french press. She said, "Did you see, they have a french press that looks like R2D2?"

"I did, they had that last year, but I guess it came around again on facebook and twitter. I think I'll stick with what I have," Jonah said.

"Why should your french press be fun?" Amy sat down at the kitchen table. "I think I'm hungry. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm almost never hungry after work, I know, weird, right?" Jonah opened the fridge. "We have beer which I actually can't offer you because it's Garrett's, and some, huh, okay, these are leftovers from the Thai place I went to last night. They're pretty fresh, do you want some?"

She had to say something so Jonah would shut up. She said, "What's the Thai food?"

"Vegan pad thai," Jonah said. "Don't make that face, it's really good." He took it out of the fridge and put the food in a bowl with a little boat on it. Amy thought about it and realized she'd seen it at Anthropologie. Sometimes she'd browsed the home section and then went straight to the sale section because she couldn't see herself paying full price there. She had some shirts from that store, from 30% off already on sale sales. 

She said, "Is that bowl from Anthropologie?"

"Yes," Jonah said. "When I moved in here, Garrett suggested I get my own bowls and dishes and cutlery and knives. They were having a big online sale, so."

"But you bought stuff at other stores, right? Also, Cloud 9. You have your employee discount," Amy said.

"I actually hate shopping there," Jonah said.

"Actually, same," Amy said. "I go to Target if I can afford it."

The microwave beeped. Jonah handed her the hot bowl and stuck chopsticks in it. He had fancy ones, of course. Not like the ones Amy had that she saved from when they ordered take out. 

She started eating and she refused to admit it, but it was delicious. Jonah said, "I told you you'd like it."

Amy shrugged and kept eating. Jonah said, "So we're dating, huh?"

"Yup," Amy said. "We should make out. If you want to make out. Maybe you want to make out with someone else, Okay, if you wanted to make out with someone else, you shouldn't have signed the forms. That's rude, Jonah."

Jonah put his hand on Amy's. He said, "I don't want to make out with anyone else. Just you."

"Not Alyssa Milano? If she came to St. Louis?"

"You can't count celebrities when you say things like that," Jonah said. 

"So that's a yes to Alyssa Milano?"

"Of course," Jonah said. "Also, I don't know if you know her, but I have a serious crush on Jenny Slate, too. She's Jewish. Candice Patton, she's not Jewish. I'm going to be honest with you, I would not say no to Grant Gustin."

"Aren't you super straight?"

"I'm not super straight, I'm not, okay. I would tell you if we were going to have sex, but I'm more like bisexual," Jonah said. He was talking very quietly. It occurred to Amy she had no idea where Garrett was. 

"More like bisexual? Have you actually had sex with men?" She was talking very quietly, too. 

"Yes," Jonah said. "More than one. I know I shouldn't let everyone assume I'm straight because nothing would really happen to me if I were out, but." Jonah shrugged. "Sometimes it's easier to be a coward."

"Nothing would really happen isn't exactly true," Amy said. "You get to decide if you want to come out, how you do that." Amy pushed the bowl away. "My brother's gay."

"So you've read a lot," Jonah said, smiling. 

"I wanted to make sure Emma was raised up right, so yes," Amy said. "I understand why you'd want to keep quiet at work. We make fun of you a lot. But we wouldn't make fun of you for that."

"Okay," Jonah said. "Don't tell Garrett."

"I thought you guys peed in front of each other," Amy said.

Jonah smiled at her. "Maybe we should talk about this dating thing. If you're not ready to date, if you feel you're not ready to take that step, we can wait. I don't mind."

"Honestly, I think I was just holding off or something. Time to take the plunge. I don't know, let's make out," Amy said.

"Really? Okay, sure, let's do that." He stood up abruptly. 

Amy stood up. Then she said, "Like, across the table? On the table?"

"I have a room," Jonah said. 

"You do," Amy said. "Which way is that?"

"Behind you," Jonah said. He walked around the table and held her elbow. 

He bent down and she saw his face getting closer. She panicked and he backed up. "Not ready," Jonah said. 

"Nope," Amy said. "I mean, no." She leaned forward and kissed him. She kept her mouth closed which felt like 3rd grade. Then she opened her mouth, and she remembered she liked kissing. She really liked kissing Jonah. But she'd only kissed Jonah twice including this weird moment in the kitchen and she was pretty sure she had something stuck in her teeth. 

She stepped back. "I think I have something stuck in my teeth."

"You do," Jonah said. "I was okay with that."

"I'm not," Amy said. "Where's this bathroom you and Garrett pee in?"

"That way," Jonah said. He rubbed his lips and looked adorable. 

She splashed water on her face and used the regular floss. The organic floss from a brand Amy didn't recognize she assumed was Jonah's and decided not to use. It felt overly intimate which was about the stupidest thing Amy had ever thought in her life. 

Jonah was waiting when she got out of the bathroom. He said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rush you. We don't have to --"

"You didn't rush me," she said. "Bedroom, let's go."

She pulled him onto the bed and he followed. Then they were both sort of staring at each other. She kissed him, her mouth open but not like she was trying to swallow his face. A good way to kiss. She held his cheeks, his skin was so smooth. 

Amy pressed him against him because she could. She said, "Could you grow a beard? Your skin is so smooth."

"Sure, in, like, two, three years, probably," Jonah said. He smiled at her and put his hand very tentatively on her butt. She wiggled against him, put her hand over his and squeezed. He kissed her quickly. 

"I could grow a mustache and in, like, two or three weeks if I didn't wax. You had an okay mustache when the store reopened," she said. She unbuttoned his shirt slowly. 

"My mustache of sadness," Jonah said. He squeezed her butt again. "That's what Garrett called it. He said I had to shave it off." 

Amy laughed. She kissed him again and opened his shirt. Of course he was wearing a t-shirt underneath. "Because you get cold easily."

"I really do," he said. "Not right now, though."

"Is that your sexy talk? It's not very good," Amy said. 

"You're not doing so great, either," Jonah said. He kissed her again and moved his hands up her back, under her shirt.

She loved this, making out. She hated she barely remembered having sex that made her feel good and wanted. She'd had sex with Adam, sure, and it wasn't perfunctory, but it was an effort. Jonah wasn't an effort, though she shouldn't give him so much credit. Jonah pulled back a little and said, "You're thinking a lot."

"You prefer brainless women?"

"That's clearly untrue," Jonah said. 

"You went out with Kelly," Amy said. "Sorry, that's mean. I'm being mean. Maybe we could have sex."

Jonah smiled at her. He said, "Not today."

"I can do it," Amy said. "Do you know how long it took Adam to start dating? Wanna guess? Two months. I can do that. It's been yway more than two months and I can do that, too. That's the one he dated before Bridget."

"You two are different people. And thank god, because I know this makes me sound a little like a jerk, but I don't love dating people who are that much taller than me," Jonah said. 

"I was wild in high school," Amy said. "I had more sex than Adam had had when we got together. I bet he's ahead of me now."

"That's a contest you should be worrying about," Jonah said.

"I want to make out," Amy said. She sat back and took offer her shirt. She unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them off. "Okay, making out."

"You're beautiful," he said. He looked like he meant it.

She smushed herself against him, trying to get his clothes off, too. It just seemed fair. He pulled her bra strap down and started touching and kissing her breast. Lucky right breast, she thought. He said, "You know, you need to be vocal, or loud, so I know what you like, okay?" His voice vibrated against her chest. 

She moaned helpfully. She could feel he was hard and she reached down to touch him. He laughed. 

It was pretty awkward, but she actually had an orgasm from the humping and boob caressing and Jonah rubbing her between her legs. She felt it through her rapidly getting wet underwear. She hadn't had good fun sex in so long, that's all it took for her. Jonah came all over the shirt of his she grabbed from the floor. She liked his penis, it was nice. Not too veiny, no weird colors. She didn't say any of that out loud.

Then they were lying naked, both of them, on his bed. Her underwear was on the floor somewhere getting pregnant from Jonah's shirt. She said, "Are you looking at your phone?"

"Yes," he said. "Checking twitter."

She took his phone and started looking through the pictures. He said, "Hey, hey, come on."

"Wow, someone sent you a picture of their vagina," Amy said, frowning. She really didn't want to have to date out there in the world. 

"Technically, vulva. If she'd spread her legs --"

Amy snapped her fingers. "Stop. Did you send her a dick pic?"

"Yes," he said. "She sent hers first and asked for mine."

"Of course," Amy said. "You have a lot of sex. I mean, sex on the first date, sex with random people."

"I don't just have sex with random people, I meet people and we connect," Jonah said. "Sometimes it's just once, sometimes more. And yes, I enjoy sex. I mean, sure, as a white straight passing male there's very little judgment that gets passed on me, I have that privilege, but also, you know, they want to have sex with me," Jonah said. "I didn't have a good ending for that. But they're not random."

"That sent you pics of their vulva," Amy said. She rotated the phone. "Genitals are weird."

"Deep thought," Jonah said. 

Then she heard Garrett saying, "Hey, dude, do you not clean up after dinner? Come on."

"Sorry," Jonah said. He got up and threw on a pair of sweats then left the room. "Sorry, sorry."

Amy held the sheet to her chest and peeked out the door. Garrett looked right at her and said, "Hi, Amy."

"Hi," she said. She wrapped the towel around her and stood in the doorway. "That was my fault, I didn't clean up."

"So you two just started actually dating and now you're having sex? Good for you, Amy," Garrett said. 

"We didn't have sex," Amy said. "We just made out."

"Okay, important distinction," Garrett said. 

Jonah came back in view and stood next to Amy. "All cleaned up."

"Let's, um," Amy reached for the band of his sweatpants. 

Garrett said, "If you're going to fuck, please be quiet. I don't want to hear it over my show."

"Got it," Amy said, closing the door. She said, "Can I just sleep here? Not have sex, I just, you know, sleeping."

"Sure, sure," Jonah said. 

Jonah was a cuddler, which was about the least surprising part of the day. 

She swung by her house in the morning for clean clothes and a shower uncontaminated by boys. 

Right as they went into the meeting, Garrett handed her a brown paper bag. "You didn't leave your bra right where my chair would snag on it, no, you did not."

"I'm sorry," Amy said.

"No, you really didn't. It was just sitting in the doorway to Jonah's room. I was just playing," Garrett said. 

Of course, everyone had stopped talking to hear that exchange. Dina said, "You're really dating Jonah? I thought you were just saying it for attention."

"No," Amy said. "It's real."

"Huh," Dina said. "Aren't you, like, the third Cloud 9 employee Jonah's made out with?"

"If you count Glen's daughter, it's four," Cheyenne said. 

"Wait, that reporter technically worked for Cloud 9, it's actually five," Garrett said. "You're number five, Amy. And he's your first, right?"

"Adam worked here for three days, so really, he's her second," Cheyenne said. "Like I've only made out with one Cloud 9 employee because Bo worked here for a few hours."

"I've only been with Jeff, so I'm at one, and he was a district manager so that's a better one than any of you," Mateo said.

"Not if we're rating by attractiveness," Dina said. "Besides what's so wrong with dating employees? If you add up the guys I was with before I was Assistant Manager and after, I'm at eight so I win."

"This conversation is very inappropriate," Kelly said, looking down. 

Amy said, "Yeah, guys, come on. We have a meeting, right, Glenn?"

"Absolutely," Glenn said. 

She had to tell Adam. She had to lie to Adam. And she was going to lie to Emma. She felt horrible about that, she almost never lied to Emma. But it was such an incredible over the top overreaction, Amy felt telling the truth would set a horrible example for Emma. 

Emma took it fine. "You know Jonah's a dork, right?"

"I do," Amy said. "He has a lot of great qualities, though."

"Yeah, dorky qualities," Emma said. "But he's nice enough. Dad's taller."

"He is," Amy said. "I mean, it's not a competition. None of the people me or your Dad date are some kind of judgment on our time together. We always love you."

Emma rolled her eyes. "If I had a nickel for every time you two say that, I could get a new phone."

"I know you want a new phone and it's not happening," Amy said. 

Adam took it in what was his new surly manner with her. "So you're dating your work husband."

Amy rolled her eyes. "He was just overreacting, defensively. He didn't want me or you to feel like, like there was a competition." Amy was a horrible person because she was currently the queen of insane defensive overreaction. 

"It's not like he hasn't been attracted to you since day one," Adam said.

"How would you know? Plus, excuse me, you were dating in September and we separated in July. Okay? So what if I finally start dating and it's someone I've known and I work with?"

Adam frowned and Amy rolled her eyes and it was like she was married all over again. 

Jonah said to her, "We should go out on a date. Do you want to see a movie? We both have Thursday off."

"Wow, a real date. What movie?"

"Uh, Proud Mary is still playing."

Amy smiled. "Oh, I really want to see that, good choice."

They were sitting in the theater with their popcorn which Jonah paid for, and Jonah said, "Uh, Justine asked me how I asked you out. She and Sarah were speculating since they didn't think I had, uh, the gumption to ask you out."

Amy smiled at him. "They were making fun of you."

"A little, yeah."

Amy said, "Okay, how did you ask me out?"

"I went to the bathroom because I couldn't think of anything," Jonah said. 

"Okay," Amy said. "Clearly I asked you out."

"Close to reality, I like it."

Amy said, "I just, you know, you were looking so cute. The endless parade of plaid shirts finally wore me down."

"Hey," Jonah said. "I like them."

"You wear a lot of them," Amy said. "Like, even after you lost all your clothes, you just bought new plaid shirts."

"Should I have done a complete makeover?"

"If there was ever a time for it," Amy said. 

"Okay, what shirts do you want me to buy?"

"If I were choosing your clothes so I liked how you looked, I would vote for more jeans, fewer khakis, keep the shoes cause I like those, and maybe you could ask Garrett about this thing called 'not button down' shirts?" Amy leaned over and kissed his cheek. "And stop me before I nag too much. Not interested in repeating my mistakes."

"You're not really nagging. You're actually not nagging at all. Also, have you noticed how gendered that word is? It's the kind of word Dina would use to insult me. Also, are you voting general appearance or making you more interested in having sex with me?" He smiled back at her. The lights went down and he said, "Make sure you have phone turned to silent."

"That time at Nosferatu was the only time I ever forgot," Amy said. She still got out her phone and checked. 

The movie was awesome and after the lights went up, Amy said, "I don't know how less plaid and fewer button downs would affect my attraction to you because I just don't know, but I do know I really liked those jeans you wore. It was before the tornado but I loved your butt in those. Not that you really have much of a butt."

"I have one," Jonah said. "I mean, I have a butt."

"I know," Amy said. "It looks better in jeans."

"Do I get to make suggestions about how you dress?"

Amy considered. She reached for his hand, she liked holding hands. She never asked for it with Adam so they hadn't done it. No repeating mistakes. She said, "What are your suggestions?"

"Wow, I honestly hadn't thought about it. I guess, not really? You always wear those pretty shirts and now that you've cut your hair --"

"What was wrong with my hair?" 

Jonah squeezed her hand. "Absolutely nothing. But I like the shorter hair better. And the blonde. Plus, it's pretty problematic for a white guy to be telling a latina woman how to dress."

"But I can tell you how to dress?"

Jonah said, "Did you tell me how to dress or did you make suggestions?"

"You're too nice to me," Amy said. "This was a good idea. Can I sleep at your place?"

"Of course," Jonah said. "Can we make out a little, too? Or not, no rush."

"Yeah, let's platonically sleep in the bed but never even kiss," Amy said. "Of course we're going to make out."

Which was how she ended up taking down his boxers and staring down his dick as she contemplated her first blow job in years. She could do it. She could totally do it. She used to like doing it. 

"You don't have to," Jonah said, propping himself up on his elbows. "Totally fine."

"I totally want to," Amy said. She really tried. She knew how to do it. It was just weird. Adam never told her what he liked and he just always seemed bored and when she stopped doing it, he never acted like he missed it. She went with the simple beginning, like a lollipop, she thought. 

Jonah pulled back and said, "We can wait on this. You're clearly completely uncomfortable."

"Sorry," Amy said. "Sorry."

Jonah tugged her up so they were face to face. "Hand job instead? I loved it last time."

"I'm sorry, though," she said. 

She focused intensely on giving the best hand job ever which mostly worked out, but she was mostly tired by the end. She said, "Do you even like blow jobs?"

"I love them," Jonah said. "Do you like oral sex?"

"Theoretically? The boyfriend before Adam was good at it. Adam, not so much. I mean, the sex with him was good, seriously, but he had a weak tongue," Amy said. 

"Is that actually a thing?" Jonah groped her breast absently. She kinda liked it. He said, "I've never heard of a weak tongue."

"Hey, have you given, or like, done that? Blow jobs? You said you had sex with men," she said. It would be weird to get tips, but she really needed them. She had briefly thought about asking Mateo so she couldn't get more desperate.

"Yes, I've done that. They were enjoyed," Jonah said. "I don't think you need tips or anything."

"Maybe I do," Amy said.

"Sex, I think, in general, isn't about technique or tricks. It's communication, you know. Me, I'm a big fan. Blow jobs, two thumbs up. But I don't need, like, some kind of porn star performance. I mostly want you to like doing it," he said. He pulled up the covers. Then he pushed them down. "Wait, I need to pee. Be right back."

When he got back, she said, "I need to pee now." 

She splashed water on her face again. She was so not ready for this. She shouldn't have let her fear of missing out rush her into something she wasn't ready for. She went back into his bed. She pulled up the covers and kind of snuggled into Jonah. She was ready for this, though. She really loved sleeping next to him. She said, "Maybe we can just date and sort of make out sometimes, but definitely still sleeping with each other. I like this part."

"Okay," Jonah said.

"That's a really shitty relationship, why would you agree to that? You don't get to have actual sex, you can't see other people, you have to wait on me, and all you get is someone who's using you like a body pillow, but only three days a week," Amy said. She didn't actually move. 

"You make it sound bad, but," Jonah said. "I pretty much wanted to date you since the day we met. And I couldn't, so I moved on, mostly unsuccessfully. I don't know, I think if I hadn't taken Kristin to Cheyenne's wedding, we might have made it work. But anyway, now we're dating, so yay for me. Hopefully, you'll get more comfortable. And I am enough of a sap to wait. And if it doesn't, then, we break up, I guess. I hope we don't."

"Wow, Adam was right," Amy said. "He said you wanted me from day one. How would he know that?"

"He probably just assumed," Jonah said. 

"You and Kristin would not have made it work," Amy said. "Glenn's her dad." They were both quiet and she could hear whatever TV Garrett was watching. "What is Garrett watching?"

"The Oa, it's his third time. He's really into it. I thought it was only so so but Garrett is obsessed. Don't mention it in public, though, he doesn't think it's cool," Jonah said. 

"What's the Oa?" 

"Oh, you should definitely ask Garrett in the morning, he loves explaining it." 

"Okay," she said. She snuggled even closer. He put his arm around her and she fell asleep.

He took her to lunch the next day since neither of them started before two. She ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. Jonah said, "You can order something else if you want something else."

"No, I really want the most expensive thing," Amy said. "This is fun."

"At least we have that," Jonah said. 

"How many men?" Amy had to stop saying every thought that popped into her head. 

Jonah made his startled turtle move. He said, "Is it a good idea to ask for numbers?"

"Mine is four," Amy said. "All male people. Just sex, you know, not including everyone I ever made out with. I wish it were higher. I mean, at some point, we'll make it five, but I still wish it were higher. Not enough to actually sleep around."

"An abstract wish for more sexual partners," Jonah said. "I'm perfectly happy with my number."

"Which you're not going to tell me," Amy said. 

"I just think it really doesn't have a bearing on us. It's not information that would be helpful."

"Helpful to what? To you getting me in bed?" Amy said. Their food had arrived and Amy was thinking Jonah was right, she should have ordered what she really wanted. 

"Very clearly not my objective," Jonah said. "I mean, do you really care about my sexual history?"

"Sure," Amy said. "I guess? Mostly, I just want you to tell me I'm better than Kelly."

Jonah laughed. He pushed his plate towards her. "Let's switch, I actually like the salmon."

"Deal," Amy said. 

She stood with Cheyenne later, talking about sleeping with boys. Literally sleeping. "I just like someone else in the bed who likes me and is all warm and soft," Amy said. 

"As long as neither of you talk in your sleep," Cheyenne said.

"Bo does that?"

"No, me," Cheyenne said. "Bo said I was talking gibberish but it was just Japanese, and all I was saying was something about tiny hairs and keys."

"Did the keys have tiny hairs? Or were the tiny hairs keys?"

"I don't know," Cheyenne said. "That's a really good question. Anyway, we used to let Harmonica sleep with us, but now she's too big. Bo says I'm really difficult to sleep with, I move too much and talk."

"I barely move when I sleep. Neither does Jonah, not so far," Amy said.

"Funny, he's always twitching when he's awake."

She had Emma the next three nights and she kinda reveled in being a mom. She felt more like herself now that she was dating. She was a very bad feminist. Emma had a crush on a boy in her class. Amy convinced Emma to be more vocal about it, speak up. "The worst thing to happen is he says no. And you move on to someone who will like you."

After she dropped off Emma at school, Amy drove straight to Jonah's. Jonah was barely awake so she got in bed next to him after taking off her jeans and shirt. Jonah said, "Did you text me that Emma has a crush on a boy or did I dream that?"

"You did not dream that. I told her to just tell him. The worst that happens is he says no, right?"

"Hmm, hopefully," Jonah said. "Sorry, I was reading this article before I fell asleep. Never mind."

Amy pulled the blanket over his head. "Don't you dare tell me more."

"Not gonna," Jonah said, his voice muffled. "I'm exhausted. Wake me up at noon, okay?"

They both woke up at eleven. She rubbed his chest and then reached down for his dick. He was half hard and getting harder. She gave him a slow, tender hand job. She laughed into his shoulder as he came. He cleaned himself up with his boxers and then pulled off her underwear. She lifted her hips to help her. She said, "Is this the part where you eat me out?" She giggled right up until she first felt his tongue on her vulva. Stupid Jonah had her thinking vulva. 

She spread her legs wider so he could get closer. He did not have a weak tongue. She giggled again because all she had was nervous energy, she couldn't remember feeling this good, feeling everything right there even back when she had a boyfriend who wanted to do this. He used his fingers, to spread her open, stimulate her clit, make her want and want. He had his tongue inside her and then a finger and she was contracting and exploding all around him. She came loudly, scratching the back of his neck. He sat up and said, "Ouch."

"You're really good at that," Amy said. "Or I haven't done it enough."

"Can't I just be good at it? Come on," Jonah said. 

"You should do that to me every day," Amy said. 

"I'll put it on the list," Jonah said.

"Does your mother really get your credit card statement and, like, check off what she thinks you should pay? Like, I'm picturing Lily Tomlin for some reason, and she's got a red pen," Amy said. She was slowly getting up out of bed. 

"My mother looks nothing like Lily Tomlin. And she checks it on the computer. She pays for her portion and then I pay the rest of the bill as I can afford it," Jonah said. "I did some gambling on that card and I really owe a lot."

"I thought that was just college," Amy said.

"It was really bad in college, and it was only mildly bad a few years later when I was working an internship with Aunt Linda and sort of bad when applying to business school. It adds up, though," Jonah said. 

"Did you ever get beat up?"

"Stop looking so eager," Jonah said. "I got shoved down a flight stairs."

"A really tall flight of stars, or kinda short, just a few?"

"Not really tall, not short," Jonah said. "It was very instructive. I took some classes afterward, learned how to take a fall."

He looked a little ashamed. Amy said, "Okay, we have work."

It was a really nice month, six weeks. Amy was becoming queen of handjobs and she still kept coming over and over again from Jonah's definite skill eating her out. They went to the movies, watched weird shit on Netflix Jonah picked, ate out at increasingly expensive restaurants. She still worried. "Are we in a holding pattern? Shouldn't relationships progress?"

"Are we not progressing? I feel like we've made progress," Jonah said. "You let me drive Emma to school once."

"She said your podcasts are dumb," Amy said.

"They're not mine, I don't have a podcast, they're the ones I listen to."

"What kind of podcast would you have?" Amy started speculating in her head. She was guessing something about labor politics.

"Film, life at Cloud 9," Jonah said.

"I guessed wrong," Amy said. "Do you think life at Cloud 9 would sustain a podcast? Would you interview Brett, or Marcus?"

Jonah leaned in close to Amy. "I don't have a podcast."

She made plans with Cheyenne to go to a friend of Cheyenne's dance performance. She told Jonah in passing the day before. He frowned and said, "I thought we were going out to dinner. I was going to make reservations."

"You can't just assume I'm going to see you every night I don't have Emma," she said. 

"You have so far," Jonah said. "I wasn't being that presumptuous."

"No, but you could check," she said. 

"You could let me know, too," Jonah said. 

"I just did," Amy said. 

"Okay then," Jonah said. 

"I get to do things without you," Amy said. 

"I wasn't saying you don't, I was saying you could let me know," he said. 

"Okay," Amy said. 

She texted him after the dance to see if he was still up. He texted back that he wasn't home. Apparently he went to the movies with some people from work. 

"He went with Kelly," Dina said. 

"And six other people," Mateo said. "I was forced to sit next to him because he had to sit at the other end from her. He fidgets so much, it was intolerable." 

"You chew loudly," Dina said. 

She went to find Jonah who was in the back. She said, "How was the movie?"

"Interesting, don't ever sit next to Mateo, though."

"Loud chewer," Amy said. "Are you mad at me?"

"I was, a little. But you're right, I shouldn't assume," Jonah said. 

"Maybe you should, I don't know."

"You're really confusing," Jonah said. 

"I'm adjusting," Amy said. "I'm not used to this. We're exclusive, and I guess we're serious. So when I should be checking with you?" 

"I don't know." Jonah looked around to make sure they were alone. "We kinda started at 60 and just kept accelerating."

"Do you want to put on the brakes?" Amy never should have let herself date. 

"We're fine. Just talk to me, okay?" 

Since they were alone, she kissed him. 

Garrett insisted Jonah had to find his own place. "He says it's because he needs privacy and also my girlfriend is too loud."

"Garrett can bite me," Amy said. 

"He just wants his own place back. I've already started looking."

"Where do you look?"

"Craiglist, Zillow, drive around neighborhoods I want to live in," Jonah said. "I have some tours set up."

"What kind of place are you getting?" Amy started flipping through Zillow on his phone. She noticed his pre-set search was 2+ bedrooms. "Why do you want two bedrooms?"

"Uh, I just do," Jonah said. "Just thinking about the future a little."

"You want a second room to start a podcast," Amy said, nodding her head. 

He smiled at her. "You've figured me out."

That night she decided there should be progress and she was going to try the blowjob again. She kept her hand on his dick and bent over, her mouth right on the tip. She'd forgotten the taste. Maybe Adam had tasted different. Maybe someday she could have sex of any kind and not think about Adam. From the tip of his penis she sucked him in more. He really truly moaned. She kept going, listening to how he responded. Once again she was completely focused on him and not what she wanted, but it was the first time. Next time she'd try to enjoy herself. 

He was pushing into her mouth, thrusting and then she decided to swallow as he came. She gagged a little and her throat kind of burned. He sat up and said, "Are you okay?"

"I wasn't injured in the course of oral sex," she said. She did immediately go to the bathroom and use way too much mouthwash.

She got back in bed. "Are you getting your hopes up for sex?"

"Amy, it's fine," Jonah said. "It's always fine."

"You're too much of a pushover," she said.

"You should date someone else," he said.

She paused to think and Jonah said, "Or not. If you do want. I understand."

"I don't want, God," she said, patting his arm. "I'll never take time to think again."

"You're allowed," Jonah said. 

Jonah found a place in a week and moved in on his day off. Amy stopped by after she was pretty sure all the work had been done. Jonah's new place was a townhouse in a nice area near the store. She said, "Looks like you're all done."

"Perfect timing," Jonah said. He was lounging on a sofa, in sweats and a t-shirt. He'd clearly broken a sweat at least once during the day. Amy wondered if anyone had helped or if he'd hired movers. Would his mom pay for that? "Hey," he said. "This seems inappropriately timed after you've just managed to come over so you don't have to help me move but I got you a gift for your birthday."

"My birthday is a month from now?"

"It's a present, okay?" Jonah got up and reached for a box and took out an envelope. "My sister-in-law thinks facials will save the world. So she tracked down a place in St. Louis that carries the products she swears by and got me a gift card for two. Turns out, it's that place you wanted to go. When you found the money?"

"I get two facials?"

"No, I'm getting one, too," Jonah said. "I care about my skin."

"Clearly," Amy said, rubbing his smooth cheek before kissing him right there. She looked at the card. "Wow, a 50 minute facial, wow. This sounds amazing."

"I'm sure it will be," Jonah said. "Be careful how you describe it at work. Porn's really ruined the term."

"Do you want to come all over my face? Because I don't want you to. So I don't care if you want to, it's not happening," Amy said.

"I don't want to give you a facial," Jonah said. "I don't get off on that."

"Good," Amy said. "It's gross."

"Agreed," Jonah said, putting his hands up. "Did you want to see the new place?"

"Show me around," she said. 

The second bedroom had a single twin bed, already made up with sheets and blankets and two pillows, a table meant to function as a desk with a chair and lamp. "It looks like a prison cell."

"It's a guest room," he said. 

Jonah's bedroom had a king bed and looked much less institutional. She sat on the bed. "We should break this in, right?"

"Sure," he said, smiling. "I can shower."

"Or we can just do it in your manly, sweaty glory," she said as she took off her shirt. 

"Facials, no, gross and sweaty, yes, got it," Jonah said. 

They made out for hours. Amy loved how Jonah was, the way his hair looked when they were both so worn out.

They went for their facials. It was amazing, so relaxing. She felt almost swaddled and covered in sweet smelling goo. The hot towel on her face was almost better than sex. She thought she'd let Jonah come on her face to pay him back for this one. Hell, she'd let him fuck her in the ass. She didn't say any of that out loud. 

Jonah was flushed red, bright bright pink. She said, "You're a little red."

"I'm pale, I flush easily," Jonah said. "I'm almost too relaxed to drive home."

"You're so flushed," Amy said.

"I know, I know."

"I'm glowing," Jonah said. "It's what we do, we porcelain skin people."

"But you're so red. I want to take a picture, can I take a picture? The last time you were this red we'd been making out for hours," Amy said. She reached for her phone. 

"No, no, no," he said. He batted at her phone. 

Like always she was sleeping at Jonah's since she didn't have Emma that night. She woke up and stretched. She was hoping she would fall back asleep, but she didn't immediately. She reached for Jonah's phone and started browsing through it. She looked for his dating apps, he used to have at least three. They all seemed to be gone. She couldn't believe he was so confident in them. 

The next day she was home, listening to Emma recite her German homework. Amy didn't know any German at all so she just nodded a lot. She opened her laptop and stared at the screen. She clicked the bookmark for her OKCupid account. She'd set it up three days after she and Adam separated. The last time she'd even looked at it was when Jonah was dating Kelly. She browsed through her messages. She imagined answering one or two. She wondered if any of them would wait months to have sex with her and gift her a non porn facial. She sighed. She turned off her profile. 

She got into work the next day and immediately noticed all the signs of idiotic gossip. She asked Cheyenne what was going on and why people were gathered in groups ignoring her. Cheyenne laughed hysterically. Amy said, "Just tell me."

"Marcus said you were on OKCupid last night, probably because you and Jonah were breaking up, or maybe you were just cheating," Cheyenne said. 

"Why would I do that? I was on there just to turn it off. I hadn't looked at it in months," Amy said. 

"That makes sense," Cheyenne said, sounding unconvinced. 

"Why would I cheat on Jonah? We could just break up," Amy said. 

"Sure," Cheyenne said. "But he has his own place and you work together so it might be tough if you just wanted to sample some other dick."

"I don't, I'm fine with the dick I have," Amy said. "His dick. God."

"Got it," Cheyenne said. "I'm all clear, I promise."

"Good," Amy said. She marched over to the register where she'd assigned Jonah. He was smiling at a customer while he rang through someone. She should assign him to register more often, he was good with customers, he could do math. 

"Jonah, let's go take a minute," Amy said. 

Carol made a face. Amy rolled her eyes at her. Jonah followed Amy to the photo lab. He said, "I know you were on OkCupid, I know you closed your account, we're okay, Amy."

"Of course, of course," Amy said. "I just hate when there's gossip all over the store."

"There's always gossip around the store. Janet still thinks we were having sex since I started working here. And Dina thinks Janet's name is pronounced Janay," Jonah said. He smiled nervously. 

Amy was fidgeting more than Jonah, it was so wrong. "That's not gossip, that's Dina being kinda racist. Also, I mean, I wasn't checking out other guys," she lied.

"Amy," Jonah said, looking around, not at her. 

Dina pounded on the door. "Open up, stop having sex." She came right in. "You're both dressed. Huh, Carol tattled you were giving Jonah a break to make out."

Amy said, "We're just talking, Are you writing me up?"

"No, you're both dressed. When I pulled Garrett out for a talk, we always just had sex," Dina said. "Finish up quick. And don't have loud sex."

Jonah said, "Garrett said I was a perfect rebound guy because I'm patient and a pushover."

"You can be impatient," Amy said. She smiled at him. 

Jonah didn't say anything. He pressed his lips together and then he pulled her close to him. "Amy, it's fine."

"Kinda feels like we're breaking up," Amy said.

"Nope," Jonah said. "You just seem really defensive and I don't want you to be."

"I did look at other guys," Amy said into Jonah's armpit. 

"I worry sometimes you're going to find someone better than me," Jonah said. 

"Well, we're both idiots," Amy said. "Should we have sex here?"

"No, God, no," Jonah said. 

She was driving over to Jonah's apartment when it occurred to her that the second bedroom in Jonah's place was probably meant for Emma. He'd set it all up for Emma. He was ready to have her move in. She was barely ready to have him put his dick in her vagina. 

She drove home instead. She was walked around the damn house, thinking how much she didn't like it. She was so desperate. She made a call she'd never thought she'd make. 

Amy walked into the coffee place with leaden feet. Dina stood up and said, "I'm here, what do you want?"

"I wanted someone to talk to," Amy said. "You were all I really had."

"What if I don't want to? Cause I don't want to," Dina said.

"I listened to you when you were upset in the shelter," Amy said. "So you have to."

"I have a shrink now, I don't have to do anything," Dina said.

"Except I remember everything you said to me," Amy said. She sat down. "I haven't told anyone. Yet. If only someone would listen to me."

Dina sat down, too. "Extortion, I like it. Okay, fire away."

"I don't know what's going on with me and Jonah. I mean, I know, I'm just not sure," Amy said. "I think he got a two bedroom apartment so one could be for Emma if I moved in."

"That seems nice," Dina said. "Why would that upset you? Don't you want someone who's not scared off by your kid? Lots of guys don't want fortysomething divorcees with kids."

"Maybe I'm not ready. He's, like, committed. Should I be?"

"I don't know, why should you be? You've been divorced for a while, what do you need to be ready? Sleep with more guys? Is that what you think you should do? You've only had sex with, what, two guys?"

Amy said, "Five." Technically a lie, since she and Jonah hadn't had sex sex yet. "I'm sure you've slept with more."

"Duh," Dina said. "But you were married for fourteen years, that's a third of your life, right?"

"I'm not 42, Dina. I'm not a fortysomething at all," Amy said. "But yes, a significant part of my life. As opposed to Adam who started dating two months after the divorce."

"You can't compare. You don't know how his dates went. Sure, that Bridget us way hotter than you but she could be lousy in bed. Maybe he spends the whole time comparing them to you." Dina started talking in a funny voice. "You're not so short I can tuck you under my armpit, you don't look like you're 40. Sorry, 39."

"I'm 34, God. I think he'd say more about how I was always nagging," Amy said.

"Sure, whatever. I don't know. What are you upset about? Do you have a set of specific hoops you need to jump through to be perfectly ready? Is Jonah's dick weird? Is that the real problem?" Dina leaned forward.

"His dick is perfectly fine," Amy said. "He manscapes."

"Like that matters," Dina said, "The real questions are cut or uncut, girth, and bend in it, length, important things."

"He's Jewish, of course he's circumcised. No bend, and none of that is actually what's bothering me. It's, like, why am I committing after only five guys? Shouldn't I have more? Do I need more?" Amy was picturing Jonah's dick and trying to guess at girth. She shook her head. 

"I don't know, do you have a minimum number of dicks you need to fuck before you can settle down? How do you pick that number?" Dina looked genuinely interested. 

"No, you're right, no minimum number of dicks. I'm being silly," Amy said.

"Completely silly. I mean, Jonah's not really a catch, but if you like him. Adam's more attractive," Dina said. 

"No, he's not," Amy said. "Jonah's a total catch. He's nice and compassionate and he has a great dick, and he goes down on me with pleasure, he actually wants to. He's definitely conventionally attractive, and he has money. His parents send him like a thousand a month and it could be more over time."

"Seriously? His parents send him that much? No wonder he got an apartment nice enough for your kid," Dina nodded. "Also, he likes going down on you? Are you sure he's not faking? No one likes doing that."

"He likes doing that," Amy said.

"Then stick with him," Dina said. "Are we done now? Have I listened enough?"

"Yes," Amy said. "I'm going to stick with him. You're right."

"Of course I am. We're not doing this again," Dina said.

"Yes, and just like I have never repeated what you said, you won't repeat anything I said," Amy said.

"I promise, fine. Even the stuff about Jonah's dick, I promise." Dina smiled. "Good girls night."

"Good," Amy said. She got up and got into her car. 

She got to Jonah's and knocked on his door. He peeked his head out without opening the door. "You texted me you were taking a night for yourself," he said. 

"I changed my mind. Do you have someone in there? Oh, God, that's okay," Amy said. 

"There's no one here but me," Jonah said. "Come in, please."

It was hot in his apartment. As she stepped in, she realized he was just wearing his underwear. "See, I didn't want to turn on the air conditioner. Climate change. And I know what you're going to say, individual action isn't as impactful as large corporate actors."

"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say, hey, it's hot," Amy said. "It's getting hot in here, let's take off all our clothes." She took off her shirt. "Let's have sex."

"We've had sex before. I know what you mean, but it's not right to define sex as just one act, because what about the lesbians, or other queer people? But hey, you're naked now, so let's table that." She stepped up to him and pulled down his underwear. "Hi, Amy."

"I'm on the pill and you're clearly up for it," she said. She was also super up for it, she'd been thinking about it on the whole drive over and now she was pressed against him, her hand on his dick, he was already hard. 

"Are you up for it?" He reached down between her legs and she was even more turned on. He said, "Okay, good. Can we move from here, I don't necessarily want to do this standing up. I could, but --" 

It was funny that he was babbling but his hand felt so good. She said, "You have a bedroom."

"Okay," he said. He was still touching her but he guided her with his other hand at her back. 

They broke apart when they got to his bed. She said, "I'm on birth control. So let's get to it."

"Inspiring," Jonah said. He kissed her and ran his hand back down to her vulva. She hated that she thought of her body that way now. 

She rubbed his dick and then said, "Stay sort of sitting, I like that position."

He quickly did that and she straddled him, guided his dick inside her. It felt just a little too big which was silly, he'd had two or three fingers in her before, but then again there was girth. She kissed him and spread her legs wider. It felt good, she felt good. She sank further on his dick. She said, "This is better than last time, last time I did this."

"I'm so glad you're thinking about your ex-husband while we fuck," Jonah said. He gripped her ass and they settled into a rhythm of up and down and he was thrusting up and she was pushing down. 

She said, "To say you're better." She kissed him. "I'm not thinking about him now." She ran her hands through his thick hair. "You have great hair."

"Thank you," he said. 

She came first and he kept fucking her which was somehow super hot. Then he came and she started to shift off him. She said, "That was great."

"Definitely," Jonah said. 

"I just really have to pee," Amy said. She went to the bathroom in the one off his bedroom. She splashed water on her face again after she cleaned up. 

She could hear Jonah showering in what she was already thinking of as Emma's bathroom. She gathered up her clothes and put them in the laundry basket. She went back to the bedroom and started randomly opening drawers. She had clothes and underwear and bras in two drawers. She couldn't believe she'd left so many clothes with Jonah. But she had. 

She got in bed and had nearly fallen asleep when Jonah climbed in next to her. She immediately made use of him as her pillow. He said, "Good night."

She said, "Do you think I should move in with you?"

Jonah shook his head and shifted under her arm. He said, "I don't think you should do anything."

"Oh," she said. 

"Do I want you to move in? Yes, if you want to. But no should."

"I really don't need you to take these things literally. Yes, Amy, move in with me. Perfectly good answer," she said. 

He sighed. "Well, sorry. I love you, so I like to be clear." 

"Oh," she said. "I have to talk to Adam about selling the house, I don't think he'll mind. Emma will."

"This apartment is in Emma's current high school district," Jonah said. "I checked."

"I love you, too," she said.


End file.
